To really lead the lives that we desire and be the role models our kids deserve, we need to move past the myths that keep us stuck. I made the Flow Planner and developed the FLOW Planning Method, to help free ourselves of these myths.
MYTH #1 – I have to get work done first to create space and time for family. OR I have to be mom now and put my career on hold.
What if work is never feeling done because you feel incomplete? What if that incompleteness has nothing to do with work, but with your energy, your connection to one of your kids, your relationship with your spouse, your desire to go clothes shopping, or longing go to a yoga class.
If you are pulled towards mom, what if your incomplete feeling means you have something more you need to do on this planet?
We think we have to choose between work and family, but if we know that we can fit in both helps us be in FLOW.
MYTH #2 – If being busy at work leads to success, then busy at home will lead to success.
I fell into this myth. When Felix was little, we did things at every moment. By the time Perla came a long we couldn’t, but I got the advice that maybe that was a good thing. Being at home — cooking, digging, resting, and playing without entertaining is amazing for you and your kids.
When did busy become a status symbol? Not being busy at home is a really good thing.
Suggested resource: Simplicity Parenting and Kim John Payne on Plan Simple Meals
MYTH #3 – Being domestic means I’m not a good at my work, not a good CEO, not a real ladyboss.
This is something that is really embedded in our belief system, but I am not convinced it is true. We are always trying to prove ourselves as women. We get back to work as soon as we can after kids. We feel shame around working from home. But we should be proud of being able to raise our kids and run our businesses. Listen in to the podcast from Jenny Fenig who runs and amazing business and homeschools two of her 3 kids.
MYTH #4 – It is just a phase. It will all get better when…
Yes, stuff changes in your life, but you need to give yourself permission to create the life you want now.
If you wait until your kids turn (fill in any age) or when you make more money, when you move, when the school year ends … you’ll find that when you get to that point, what you want will change. So that doesn’t really work.
You can start creating the life you want right now, wherever you are.
MYTH #5 – I just don’t have the time.
It takes time and practice to learn that this one isn’t true. There are people who have achieved amazing things who have the same amount of time as you and I do in our days. We choose how we want to spend our time. So let’s start choosing the things we want instead of putting them aside.
I love this quote from Alexia Vernon: “I’m not carrying around a story in my head that I’m busy, I don’t have enough time, that I’m unhappy. I’m choosing to bring the energy to everything of “I have time, I have space, this is what I have chosen, and thank you more please.”
Are you ready to let go of the story that you are too busy? Can you get past the other four myths?
How do we change things? How do we fit in the things that make a difference all the time, instead of some day.
I think it takes two parts: vision and a plan. We have to consistently recall both.
And remember that this is an ongoing process. This isn’t something that we are ever done with.
How can we spend our days loving the process?
An amazing life lives in loving the process. Here are 11 ideas to help you love the process:
Have a vision.
Make sure your vision includes 4 categories: food and wellness, lifestyle and family, om (aka spirituality and downtime), and work. Take 15 minutes to write about what your life will look like in 10 years. It will be very different from where you are now, so it gives you a big picture view.
Based on where you want to be 10 years from now, create a 90 day plan. If you said that is 10 years you will be active and healthy., maybe over the next 90 days you implement a new food system or exercise routine. If you said that you will live in glass house on a lake, but you are currently living in an apartment in the city, then maybe you take a course on wealth building, or press go on a revenue stream you are sitting on, or spend the summer camping at different lakes to see what they are like. There is never one path!
Get it out of your head.
Write it all down. I call this the Master List. These are ALL the things you have in your head that you are trying to remember. Just do a 10-minute brain dump. If your dump is all work, or all household tasks, try to add from the other FLOW categories for 4 extra minutes.
Batch and time block.
Time blocking means setting chunks of time aside to do certain categories of tasks — work time, family time, meal prep time, downtime, exercise time, marketing time, money time, etc. Sometimes I do this weekly, but I try to stay consistent for a month or season with only small tweaks.
Batching means doing like tasks in in a row.
On the work front, I spend a week once a month creating content. I check and respond to email all at once twice a day (when I am behaving myself!). I batch meal prep on Sundays to make my weekdays easier!
Focus on gratitude.
Write down 3 things you are grateful for. They can be simple. They don’t have to be huge things: the sun shining, knowing your fridge is filled with good food, being in bed, kids’ chatter …
Choose 3 things to do today.
You know your vision. You have done a brain dump. Choose only 3 things you will do today that will move you toward your vision. Choose things you really can do, and make sure they are not all from the same category in your life.
Know what you will eat.
Decide what you are having for your meals for the day. You will save so much time wasted thinking. Decide and write it down.
Stay in action.
Know how you will move food and house forward today. What simple, doable thing can you do today? What if you cleaned one bin instead of the whole garage? What if you chopped some veggies for dinner in the morning to help you stick to your plan? Keep it doable.
Plan how you will take care of yourself today.
Again, keep it simple and doable. It could mean making sure you drink enough water. It could be eating the healthy food you planned to eat. I could be getting up from your desk to take a walk twice a day, going to bed on time, turning your phone off before bed …
Eat 10 veggies a day. Drink enough water. Move your body. What habit do you want to build? Do you want more family dinner? Do you want to develop a meditation habit. Keeping track of what you are doing helps you remember the things you want to do as you get used to doing them. You won’t be perfect, but tracking helps the process.
Schedule and learn.
Schedule all the things that aren’t work: sleep, food prep, enjoying meals, downtime, exercise … Start by putting them on your calendar. Learn from what you actually did. Don’t think of it as failure. Get curious about why you didn’t go with your plan. Learn so you can make better choices tomorrow.
When you start envisioning what you want and moving towards it, magic happens. Nine years ago, I said that I was ready for a change. I got an email from my yoga studio and decided to show up. When I was there, I felt compelled to talk to the teacher, who taught me about food. All I did was decide one thing and take one little step.
You can decide what you want. You can take little steps. You will see magic too. Learn to notice it. Write it down. Look back at that when it feels hard. Keep going.
Download your Today Planner to help you plan how you will follow steps 4–8 each day.